A better place
by dedicatedCarsan
Summary: A Carsan set after 'Brothers and sisters'
1. Chapter 1

A better place by Susie  
  
Spoilers: Well, apparently for season 8, since this is set after 'Brothers and sisters'.  
  
Author's note: I know that it didn't happen that way, but a girl can dream, can't she? ;o) Oh yeah, and since English is not my native language and I didn't have a beta reader, please excuse any grammar mistakes or anything in that manner.  
  
Disclaimer: Just like anyone else here, I don't own ER, Susan Lewis or John Carter or any other character. If I would, Chloe would be dead by now :oP  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Susan couldn't believe what the doctor just told her a couple of hours ago. She had said that a hundred of times herself to the relatives of many of her patients, but now she was the one who got the bad news. Her sister died of an overdose. It shouldn't surprise her, she thought to herself. Chloe always managed to let Susan believe that she would be better soon. That she could be a good mum for little Suzy, but it never worked out in the end. Now she was dead and Susan was on her way back to County. She had to leave little Suzy in the hospital in New York for a while, but she was determined to get back as soon as possible. Right now, she wanted to talk to Kerry and tell her that she needed a couple of days off from work.  
  
When she walked through the doors of the ER, Susan was immediately greeted by Carter.  
  
"Hey, Susan. How are you doing? Have you found Chloe and little Suzy" he asked concerned.  
  
"Yes, we found them. Suzy's in the hospital in New York and... and..." she managed to reply.  
  
Susan choked back the tears which were already forming in her eyes. Carter already noticed that something was wrong when she walked through the doors, but now he knew that something really bad must have happened.  
  
"I'm off in a couple of minutes. Why don't you get yourself a coffee and I join you when I'm out of here?" Carter offered, placing his hand on her shoulder.  
  
"Carter, I just wanted to talk to Kerry" Susan shot back a little taken aback.  
  
"It's one of the Weaver free days today. You have to bear with me" he retorted and tried to convince her with his puppy dog eyes.  
  
"When are you off?" Susan asked, this time a little more friendlier.  
  
"Give me ten minutes" Carter said after checking his watch. "Go to Doc's and get a coffee. I'll join you when I'm ready".  
  
Susan saw no use in arguing with Carter, so she just nodded her head and walked back into the ambulance bay. She turned around to see that he was watching her and quickly got on her way to Doc's.  
  
  
  
25 minutes later:  
  
Carter walked through the doors of the restaurant and looked for Susan. He found her where he didn't really expected her to be. She was sitting at the bar, already tipsy. Next to her was a guy who was obviously flirting with her. He didn't know why, but he felt slightly jealous. He slowly walked over to where she was sitting and cleared his throat.  
  
"Excuse me?" he said to the guy. "Would you leave us alone for a second?"  
  
The guy looked at Susan first, then to Carter and back to Susan. Susan just nodded her head and motioned for the guy to leave. The guy shot one last glare at Carter before he finally left them alone.  
  
Carter sat down on the stool next to Susan and looked at her.  
  
"I've never seen you like this before. Wanna tell me what happened?" he asked cautiously.  
  
"Actually no. I don't wanna talk about it, but since I think you won't let up 'til I tell you..." she said sighing. "Chloe died of an overdose" she blurted out.  
  
Carter stared at her in disbelief. Here he said with an almost drunken Susan who just told him that her sister died.  
  
"Susan, I'm so sorry. Why didn't you call anyone? You could have stayed with Suzy" he said unable to understand why she was in Chicago when her niece was alone in a hospital room.  
  
"I wanted to talk to Kerry in person" she stammered. "And I had to get some things out of my apartment" she added quickly.  
  
"You could have called me. I still have a key to your apartment, remember?" he said, gently touching her arm in a comforting way.  
  
"It doesn't matter anymore. I'm here now..." Susan retorted, motioning for another drink.  
  
"Don't you think you had enough alcohol already?" Carter said, concern washing over him.  
  
"I had to do something while I was waiting for you" she replied, knowing that it was definately more than just a lame excuse.  
  
"Listen Susan, let me take you home and make sure you're okay", he said all of a sudden.  
  
"Carter, I really appreciate it, but I don't think..." she tried to reply, but Carter put a finger to her lips, interrupting her.  
  
"I just don't think you should be alone right now," he declared looking her in the eyes.  
  
Susan nodded, she knew that he was right. With the way she felt, she really shouldn't go home on her own.  
  
"Okay," she said. Carter stood up and then held out his hand to her. He gently helped her to her feet.  
  
"Thank you" she said.  
  
"For what?" he asked.  
  
"For helping me. It's nice to know that you still care."  
  
Carter just smiled, paid for her drinks and led her out of the restaurant.  
  
  
  
Later at Susan's apartment:  
  
"Wanna have some coffee? I think I really need one myself" Susan said entering her apartment with Carter right behind her.  
  
"Sit down, I'm gonna make the coffee" he told her and put his coat down over the back of the couch.  
  
Susan didn't respond, she just looked at him. "Uh-oh. I've learned it's not a good thing when you don't respond." Carter said.  
  
"Why do you say that?" she asked with just a hint of curiousity.  
  
"Because, it usually means that you're planning your next line of attack" he said, trying to lighten the mood.  
  
Despite the whole situation, Susan was actually feeling better and she realized that she really enjoyed Carter's company right then.  
  
"First of all, I don't plan attacks, they just come naturally" she said with a grin. "And second of all, would you mind if I turn on some music? It's too quiet in here."  
  
"Sure, no problem" he said, walking towards the kitchen.  
  
Susan headed over to her sound system and turned on the radio. Her favorite station was in the middle of a song and she listened to the lyrics.  
  
  
  
So wipe the tears from your eyes  
  
'Cos you know that you'll survive  
  
Wipe the tears from your eyes  
  
And think of the good times  
  
Baby you will survive  
  
It's hard but you got to try  
  
To wipe the tears from your eyes  
  
'Cos you know you will survive  
  
  
  
All the emotions Susan had tried to hold back for so long crashed into her and she broke down in tears. Carter, who had heard her sobbing from the kitchen, was immediately at her side. He pulled her into an embrace and just held her for a couple of minutes. After a while, when she had stopped crying, he began to move to the music slowly.  
  
"John, I..." she began, but was stopped by the feeling of his lips on hers. It was only for an instant and then Carter pulled away.  
  
"Susan, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..." He stopped. He was too confused to know what to say.  
  
Susan just pulled him closer and kissed him again. The kiss was soft at first, but deepened by the second. When they pulled back for air, they stared at each other in wonder.  
  
"I don't know what's coming over me, but I can't stop it either" she admitted.  
  
The truth was, she didn't want to stop it. The music, the alcohol and her pain had all mingled together into one emotion. All she wanted right now was to be with someone. All she wanted was to be with Carter.  
  
"Are you sure you want this?" he asked his own resolve weakening by the second.  
  
"Yes, I'm sure" she answered with a smile.  
  
That smile was all he needed to keep going and he began to kiss her passionately. They just stood there for a while, kissing as Susan slowly started to walk backwards.  
  
"Where are you going" Carter whispered breathless after he broke the kiss.  
  
"It's much more comfortable there, I promise" Susan said turning out the music, taking his hand and making her way to the bedroom.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Author's note: There was supposed to be a NC-17 part, but I decided to leave it out for now. Let me know what you think. 


	2. Chapter 2

Author's note: I had a co-writer in this chapter, so a big thanks goes to ADELINE!  
  
Disclaimer: Look at chapter one. No need to repeat it.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
When Susan woke up the next morning, the space next to her in bed was empty. She looked up, but couldn't see Carter anywhere. All she could hear were some clattering noises coming from the kitchen. She got up slowly and put on her robe before making her way to her kitchen. She stopped and stood in the door frame. Carter was making breakfast. She smiled to herself and slowly sneaked up behind him.  
  
"Good morning" she said all of a sudden, making Carter jump.  
  
"God, you scared me" he said, obviously shocked. After regaining the ability to speak clearly, he said, "I made eggs and bacon. I hope you don't mind," while handing her a cup of coffee.  
  
"Thank you" she whispered and kissed him on the cheek.  
  
"I just thought you could need a good breakfast before you get back to New York" Carter explained and put two plates on the kitchen table.  
  
They sat down and had a nice, but quiet breakfast. Both of them scared of what the other might think about what just happened the night before. Susan decided to be bold.  
  
"You know, Carter. Last night was..." she said, still trying to find the right words to describe it.  
  
"Nice?" Carter finished her sentence. He felt himself blushing and smirked a little.  
  
Susan smiled and just nodded.  
  
"So you're not saying that it just happened, because of the alcohol?" he asked unsure and took a sip of his coffee.  
  
"Don't you think I would have probably kicked you out the door already, if I would think that way?" she joked still smiling.  
  
"So we're glad it happened?" Carter asked again, disbelieving.  
  
"We're glad it happened" Susan admitted.  
  
"What are you thinking about?"  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"Aw, come on." Carter pushed. "How uh, how do you feel right now?" He asked, still somewhat nervous  
  
Susan sighed and looked him in the eyes. "I... John, I'm really in no mood to figure out what I feel right now."  
  
A hint of pain flashed across Carter's face, and as much as he'd tried to cover it, Susan had noticed.  
  
"I'm sorry, it's just... It's hard, you know?" Susan apologized. "You... you are great. You really are. But this is something I have to come to terms with on my own."  
  
Carter looked down at the counter. "No, it's okay, I... understand. I guess. I just wish I could do something to help."  
  
Susan smiled up at him. "You do."  
  
"So can I take you to the airport, then?" He offered happily.  
  
Susan couldn't help but smile again. "Sure! I have to be there at 10. O'Hare."  
  
"Will you be okay? On the flight, I mean."  
  
"Oh, I'll... it'll be okay. I already flew to New York when I got there the first time." Susan waved off his concern.  
  
"Because if you want, I could f..."  
  
"No, John, really," she interrupted his offer to accompany her. "It's okay."  
  
"Ok, but promise to call me, if you need anything" he said, reaching across the table and taking her hand in his.  
  
Susan nodded slowly. "I promise!"  
  
At the airport:  
  
Carter could sense Susan's nervousness. She still hated flying, no matter what. He took her hand and squeezed it reassuringly.  
  
"You sure, you want to go there alone?" he asked. "I could still try to get a ticket".  
  
She looked at him and smiled weakly. "John, I told you that you don't need to go with me. I'm ok, really."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Yeah." Susan assured him.  
  
"C'mere." Carter pulled her into a hug. "I'm gonna miss you." He whispered in her ear.  
  
Susan pulled away smiling. "I'll be back in two days."  
  
"I'll be right here waiting!" Carter joked.  
  
"M'am, you need to board the plane. We're starting in a couple of minutes!" a stewardess interrupted them.  
  
Carter released Susan's hand and framed her face with both of his hands before leaning in and kissing her gently.  
  
"Call me" he whispered after he broke the kiss.  
  
Susan took her bags and started to board the plane. She turned around to see Carter still standing where she left him. Knowing that he would be there when she was coming back made it easier for her to leave.  
  
At the airport in New York:  
  
"Hey Susan!" Joe said, giving her a short hug then taking one of her bags. "How was your flight?"  
  
"It was okay" Susan answered, smiling weakly.  
  
They chatted for a while, while making their way to his car to get to the hospital. Susan asked him how Suzy took the death of her mother. To her surprise, he told her that she didn't even know.  
  
"Why didn't you tell her?" Susan asked, wondering if she would be the reason.  
  
"I don't know" Joe said, fixing his eyes on the road in front of him. "I guess I just wanted you to tell her. You two have always been pretty close and I just thought it might be the best if you do it."  
  
Susan thought about what he just told her. "Do you want the custody for Suzy?" she asked, matter of factly.  
  
He looked at her, but only for an instant and then his eyes went back on the road. "I don't know, Susan. I really do love her, but I think she's better of with you. I have a new life ahead of me and..."  
  
"...Suzy's not part of it...?" Susan interrupted.  
  
Joe was silent and Susan knew the answer she was going to hear. She briefly wondered if she would be able to adopt Suzy this time. Her heart still broke everytime she thought about the pain she felt back when Chloe took Suzy away. This time there was no Chloe to stop her. She mentally kicked herself for even thinking about it, but she knew that she would have to fight to get custody for Suzy, but she was more than willing to do it.  
  
"You think she's going to be able to handle it?" Joe asked, concerned about the little girl.  
  
"It's going to be very tough for her..." Susan answered, still lost in thought.  
  
The first thing Susan did when she saw little Suzy was smile. She couldn't help but smile everytime she was around her. Susan's expression changed quickly when she noticed Suzy's tearstained face.  
  
"Someone told her" she whispered to Joe who was standing next to her. She slowly made her way over to Suzy's bed and took her hand. "Hey, pumpkin!" she said, giving her a kiss on the forehead.  
  
"Mommy's not coming back, is she?" Suzy blurted out with sad eyes.  
  
Susan hesitated for a moment and motioned for Joe to join her at the bed.  
  
"Suzy, your... your mom was really sick. The doctors couldn't fix it" Susan explained, tears stinging in her eyes.  
  
"Why couldn't you help her? You're a doctor, too..." came the muffled reply from Suzy.  
  
"Sometimes even doctors can't help" Joe mumbled, sitting down on the chair next to the bed.  
  
Susan took Suzy into an embrace and found herself clinging to the little girl. She knew Suzy was scared and that she shouldn't put more pressure on her, but Suzy had the right to know what was going to happen to her. Susan pulled back and looked her niece in the eyes.  
  
After she told Suzy what was going to happen, she felt like a huge weight was lifted off of her back. All in all, it went better than she expected. Suzy seemed excited about the fact that she was going to live with her aunt in Chicago, but the sadness was still heavy in the little girl's eyes.  
  
In Susan's hotel room:  
  
The phone in hand, Susan sat down on the bed. She wanted to call Carter more than anything right now. Seeing little Suzy in the hospital earlier made her own condition even worse. She dialed Carter's number, but was tempted to hang up before the first ring tone could wake him. She didn't. After the fourth ring, Susan was close to give up until she heard Carter's sleepy voice through the receiver.  
  
"Susan? Is that you?" he asked concerned, since he heard her quiet sobs. "Are you alright?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm okay" she murmured into the receiver, wiping a single tear off of her cheek.  
  
"You sure? I could still come and..." he said, but was immediately interrupted by Susan.  
  
"You don't need to come over. I'll be alright" she said, only half trying to convince him.  
  
"Ok, but if you want me there, just tell me. I'd take the next flight to New York" he offered.  
  
"Thank you, John... I'd better hang up. I'll be back the day after tomorrow. Sorry for waking you" she said, not really wanting to hang up.  
  
"Susan, I told you to call me. You don't need to apologize" he said, concern filling his voice when he heard her sobbing again. "Ok, I'll take the next flight to New York" he said after a moment of silence.  
  
"No, John. It's not necessary, really" Susan answered between sobs.  
  
"Necessary or not, I want to and I will. Just go to bed and I'll see you tomorrow, ok?" he said, hoping for her to give in.  
  
"Ok... Bye" Susan retorted wearily.  
  
"Bye!" Carter said and hung up on the other end of the line.  
  
Susan finally laid down on the bed, thinking about how she should handle the situation and finally crying herself to sleep. 


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Sorry it took me so long to write this, but I had a lot of things on my mind and wasn't in the mood to write. This chapter is pretty short.  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
The knock on the door made Susan stir slowly. She got out of bed, taking a look into the mirror and realizing that she was still wearing the clothes from the previous day. Making her way to the door, she tried to fix her hair as much as possible.  
  
"Who is it?" she asked, as she reached the door.  
  
"Hey, Susan! It's me, John!" Carter called through the door.  
  
Susan slowly opened the door and smiled slight when she saw him.  
  
"Hey!" he greeted her, hugging her tightly.  
  
"Hey" Susan replied wearily, trying to hide her sadness.  
  
She managed to get out of Carter's embrace and went over to the bed to sit down. She rubbed her eyes and yawned. Carter sat down next to her, just looking at her and smiling.  
  
"What?" she asked, a little irritated.  
  
"Nothing, I'm just glad to see you. How are you doing?" he asked, taking her hand.  
  
"I'm holding on, I think. I didn't sleep too well though" she answered with a shrug. "John, I'm really not feeling well. Let me take a shower and get changed, ok?"  
  
"Sure, whatever you want!" He said, leaning over to kiss her, but she pulled back and stood up, searching for her bag. Carter sat there, his look following every move she made. He definately wanted to know what was going on in her head, but he didn't want to push.  
  
Susan disappeared into the bathroom and turned on the shower. She leaned back against the wall and felt a tear rolling down her cheek. Sometimes she just couldn't handle all the pressure. Carter had been awfully sweet to her lately and clearly made it easier for her to go on, but right now she just wanted to leave everything behind. She knew she never would though.  
  
As she left the bathroom with only a towel wrapped around her body, Carter blushed and tried hard not to stare.  
  
"Good to know that I can still make you blush" Susan commented casually, grabbing her clothes and going back into the bathroom.  
  
The next time she left it, she was dressed and her hair was up into a ponytail. Again, she looked at Carter, who was smiling slightly.  
  
"What is it?" she asked curious.  
  
"Nothing, you just... you look beautiful, you know. I never really noticed before" he said, blushing all over again.  
  
"Well, thank you" she replied irritated, making Carter stand up quickly.  
  
"No, I didn't mean it that way. I... I always knew you were..." he stuttered.  
  
"And I meant it like I said it. Thank you" she reassured him and leaned up to kiss him on the cheek. Before she could pull back again, Carter wrapped his arms around her.  
  
"Are you really ok?" he asked, looking her in the eyes.  
  
"Mhm..." Susan mumbled, trying to avoid his eyes without any luck. She tried to hold back the tears she felt welling up, but there was no use. They quickly started to roll down her cheeks.  
  
"Hey, it's ok. You'll be fine and Suzy will be fine, too, alright?" Carter said, trying to calm her down and pulling her against his chest. He let her cry until the tears ceased and her breathing slowed back to normal. Tilting her head up by her chin, he looked at her smiling.  
  
"Alright?" he asked, as to make sure she was ok.  
  
"Alright" she said, kissing him lightly on the lips. "We should get going" she said, after she pulled back.  
  
Carter grabbed her jacket and helped her into it, before he put on his own coat.  
  
"Ready to go?" he asked.  
  
"Yeah" she simply answered.  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
When they got to the hospital, Carter noticed the look of hesitation on Susan's face, so he squeezed her hand reassuringly. She glance quickly at him with a small smile on her lips.  
  
"Thank you" she whispered and then entered Suzy's room, where she found Joe sitting next to the bed of her niece. A hint of panic flashed across her face and she hoped that he hadn't changed his mind.  
  
"Hey Susan" Joe greeted, smiling lightly.  
  
"Hey" she replied wearily, standing on the other side of the bed. "Hey honey" she said to the girl, stroking her hair.  
  
Suzy looked drained, but she wasn't as pale as she had been the day before. Susan knew that physically, she'd be ok, but she didn't know what was going on in the little Suzy's mind.  
  
"How are you doing, sweetie?" Susan asked her niece, smiling.  
  
"I feel better... the doctor said I can go home today" Suzy replied wearily. She saw Carter standing in the hallway. He was watching her.  
  
"Who is this, Aunt Susan?" the little girl asked, pointing into Carter's direction.  
  
"Oh, he's... he's a friend of mine from Chicago" Susan motioned for Carter to come in and he did. "Joe, Suzy, this is John Carter. We're working together at the hospital".  
  
Joe gave Carter's hand a small shake and smiled. Carter smiled back and then looked at little Suzy who was looking back and forth between him and her aunt.  
  
"Hello Suzy" he said, taking her hand in his and squeezing it gently.  
  
"Are you a doctor, too?" Suzy asked curiously.  
  
Carter nodded. "Yes, I've been working with your aunt for quite a while now" he said.  
  
Suzy was silent. She wanted to go home. Sensing that she didn't want to stay any longer, Susan went to get a doctor to release her niece.  
  
After the doctor gave his okay to Suzy's release, Susan knew what was about to come.  
  
"Susan, I need to talk to you" Joe said, looking rather sad.  
  
She nodded and told Carter to stay with Suzy as long as she was talking to Joe.  
  
"Did you change your mind?" she immediately asked when they left the hospital room.  
  
"Yes, Susan. She's my stepdaughter. I can't give up on her..." he said, his eyes fixed on the floor.  
  
Susan bit her lip. Tears were forming in her eyes when Joe finally looked up.  
  
"I'm sorry, Susan. I really am..." he whispered and got back into the room to get Suzy's things. Susan watched him, wiping a single tear from her cheek and then met Carter's gaze. He left the room and took her hand, when he had reached her.  
  
"What did he say?" he asked, already knowing the answer.  
  
"He's... he's going to take her with him, Carter. There's nothing I can do about it. I'm going to lose her again" she said, the tears now freely streaming down her face.  
  
Carter wrapped her in his arms, whispering reassuring words to her. She cried for a while, until Joe and Suzy were ready to go home.  
  
"Why are you crying, aunt Susan?" the little girl asked, taking her aunt's hand.  
  
Susan kneeled down next to her and hugged her tightly. "It's ok, honey. I'm just... just sad. It'll be ok" she said, but she knew that she wasn't going to be ok. 


End file.
